Appointment cancelled

Grrrrrr that's what gets us really angry: a phone call 20 minutes before our appointment at the hospital that the results of the post-mortem are not in yet - they will be later in the week, so our appointment of today has been cancelled and moved to early January.

Grrrrr.

Recovering well

I am recovering well, my throat is back to normal as is my voice! That was the most annoying feeling ever, together with those sore muscles in my neck. I still look a bit like a cocaine addict with my bruised elbows from the attempts to put a drain in my arm. I haven't had any significant bleeding and it looks like my breasts are taking the hormone bait and won't start lactating. A pity that I still have to lose those 5 to 6 kilo's, that was definitely not baby weight!

I found it remarkable that on Monday the midwife wasn't able to feel my womb, which means that it has already shrunk behind the pubic bone - I mean, it takes over 14 weeks to grow over the pubic bone, but within 2 days the whole thing is almost back to its original size. Looks like the doc has cleaned it out very well during my operation.

I have been fairly light-headed in the mornings the last couple of days, but I can feel that that is getting better too. Yesterday I did my first 'walk' to the letterbox around the corner, chaperoned by DH's mum, to post a letter and that went okay. Tonight DH and I will be going for a short stroll around the block. Can't wait to be on the golf course again to be honest

So what's left of this pregnancy? Not much, a tiny bit of ashes for us to receive, registration of the baby, and the results of the post-mortem on the baby and the placenta. In about 4-6 weeks time we'll be back at the hospital for a discussion of the outcomes, if any. In the meantime we have to be careful (if that's what we want...) as I can become pregnant again straight away!

Sore muscles

Every muscle in my body is protesting, like I've been rowing a regatta totally untrained. My whole back, front, neck and even jaw are stiff as hell!

And my throat is still very much irritated by that tube they put in at the operation, can hardly talk without coughing. Sound like an 80 year old heavy smoker.

And back home

We came home again this morning after a reasonable night sleep, where I again swam in my own sweat due to the hormones given to me the previous day.

In the middle of the night the midwife on call did some checks on me - blood pressure, temperature and blood loss - and after that we slept till 8 am. I have had no pain at all since the baby popped out, only a slightly bruised feeling in my tummy for which I'm taking some paracetamol.

At 9 our own midwife came by to check up on me once again. I also chose to take some hormone pills to prevent my breasts from lactating, as normally after delivering a baby within 3 days the milk will come in! Something else to think about.

The baby and placenta will be sent off to wton on Sunday, where the pathologist will perform research on it on monday. Transport of the baby will be done by a funeral company, all arranged for us by our midwife. After we've seen the baby we decided to let the cremation take place in wton, it was clear to us that this baby never could have survived, no need for us to hold a special service or whatever.

When we came home some truly beautiful flowers were waiting for us from my mum and DH's and my colleagues! Also DH's parents gave us a lovely piece of art; this piece attracted us when we first saw it one or two years ago and is a bit of a free interpretation of Noah's Ark. Very cute.

And last but not least: I am eligible for 14 weeks paid maternity leave, so won't be back at work till the end of February. Pure bliss! Time to get my head around things, to take it easy and to make plans for the future!

At the hospital

This post will be updated during the day, if I feel up to it :-)

8am: arrived at hospital and settled in to our room. Midwife is here too and together we go through the events of the day.

9am: midwife inserts 4 tablets vaginally, which should soften the cervix and dissolve a tube (?) in the cervix so that an opening will be established. Lying on the bed, not allowed to move around till tablets have had time to dissolve.

9.30am: midwife takes temperature and blood pressure. Temp is good, blood pressure is somewhat elevated. Light cramping really low, almost behind pubic hair has started.

9.45am: cramping continues, intensity has grown. Pills are definitely working and quite early according to midwife. DH is off to the hospital cafe for his first coffee of the day. He has installed himself with laptop in the granny chair.

10.30am: cramping continues, intensity is constant now and okay. Midwife is off to an appointment the next 45 mins and the first oral pill is scheduled for 12pm.

11.55am: cramping intensified and started to get very annoying, sharper and nauseating. Took two oral pills, which will kick in fairly quickly and make matters much worse. Also took two paracetamol to start with to take the edge off the contractions. A sick bag is close by.
Just ate a sandwich and half a banana. DH feels somewhat helpless, although he's a nice distraction.
Got a bedpan to use on the toilet to prevent baby and placenta from flushing through, as the need to poo can also be mixed up with the baby coming out. All very glamourous, not. Grrrrtttrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

15.45pm: baby delivered!!! Woohooo!! Now waiting for the placenta to arrive. Pain has subsided for now. A while ago I got a shot in the bum with anti-nausea and a pain killer, as the cramps were awful and I started vomiting. At 3pm I got another set of pills plus another pain killer and just when I started to wonder when the heck this would end I felt something coming through.
The cramps will be back soon for the placenta, but enjoying being pain free for now.

16.45pm: preparations are being made to help the placenta coming out. I've just got another 4 tablets inserted vaginally, which might start contractions again and force the placenta out. But in the meantime I'll also get a drip and am not allowed to eat or drink anything for the next 6 hours in case I need to be brought to theatre for a manual removal under general anaestatics.

17.20pm I'm being prepared for a little surgery to get the placenta out. The obstitrician had two attempts at putting a drip in my arm, but kept hitting a valve. The anasthesist was then called who succesfully put one in ny hand. I look like a casualty from war with all my bandages...!


9pm: we both have been dozing on the bed for the last couple of hours and are now listening to x-factor on the tv (no great reception so only sound on this channel).
The doc came by to obtain consent for my operation at 10pm. This can take up anything from 20 mins to whatever, depending on how firmly the placenta is still attached to the uterus. We'll be staying at the hospital overnight.

21.45pm They've taken me to theater where first the general anaestetic will be administered. The surgery should be done within 20 minutes, but afterwards they'll keep me another half an hour or so for observation. Afterwards they'll return me to our room where DH and I will spend the night.


11.15pm: i'm back!! Woke up crying from anaestatic, got a deja-vu from when I was little and had to get operations in my ears. Operation went really well, no complications, placenta came out easier than thought. Just a very itchy throat from a tube that went in there. But hurray for hospital staff, everyone is really very caring and approachable, this hasn't been a traumatic experience. Worst part were the contractions, but quite surprisingly easily forgotten as soon as pain is over - just like flying to Europe and touching down after 24 hrs in a plane. As soon as you've arrived you forgot about the ordeal. And hugs and love for DH of course, we were in this together and he was lovely :-)

Update after first pill

Had period-like cramps tonight, which stopped after a couple of hours. Other than that and a feisty headache the night went well.

DH is thinking of writing everyone who sent us their love and best of luck a personal message back, he's even getting a bit stressed about it, and I wish him all the best as that will be a day task up till x- mas. So I thought I better interfere here and save him.
Please do know that we love your support, but we can't possibly start a writing career just now. Keep those messages coming, or feed us some juicy stories or awful gossip for tomorrow, so that we have something to read during our mini-labour and delivery day.

The process has begun

Today at 4pm we went to the hospital for my first pill. The aim of this pill is to remove the placenta from the uterus, which takes two nights and one day.

We were shown our hospital room - I made a few pictures but haven't found out yet how to post these with my new blogger app on my phone. It just looks like a small hotel room with a queen size bed (a wooden frame!), a lazy granny chair and an ensuite bathroom with shower.

We spent the compulsory hour after taking the pill in our room, and as I was fine when the hour was over we went home again. I can expect symptoms ranging from nothing at all to cramping to severe abdominal pain, in which case I have to return to the hospital of course. Up to this point I'm just hungry all the time!

Kickstarting labour

This is how the next couple of days will look like:

• Tomorrow evening we'll go to the hospital here in Nelson, where I get the first of a series of pills. I have to stay there for 1 hour, so that they can check that there are no side-effects, as this pill apparently can make you feel sick.
  
• If everything goes well, then after that hour we can go home again, where we'll spend the night and the following day, doing nothing much.
• Then on Friday morning 8am we're expected back in the hospital, with a bag. I'll get an internal exam, and another dose of this hormone mixture (?), but now vaginally applied. Over the course of the morning I'll get a couple more pills to be taken orally, 4x the dose of the first one.
• At the same time contractions should begin and if everything goes well then early Friday afternoon the delivery side of things should be over. It might happen that the placenta doesn't want to come out, if that's the case they need to remove it surgically.
• We can stay at the hospital for as long as we like. If things drag on until the evening we can stay for the night, but most people opt to go home as soon as possible.
  
• We'll be there with the three of us: DH, myself and our midwife. Specialists are around in case there are complications. Pain relief is available, as much as I like as there is no baby to take into account.
  
• There is a separate area in the maternity ward for 'people like us', a bit like a hotel room with double bed, bit of a living area.
• I was really not looking forward to this part, but now that I know what I can expect I am starting to get quite curious actually.
  

Get your tissues out for the next part:

• do we want to hold the baby after delivery? Take pictures? We'll decide in the moment I think, that's fairly unthinkable at the moment.
• Then in Wton they want to research the baby and the placenta to find out the cause for all of this - why was the placenta not functioning? We'd like to know that too. So after the delivery everything will be sent off.
• We are required by law to register the baby and bury/cremate him, as he is over 20 weeks old. Another hurdle to get through at some stage. This freaked us out a bit as we don't want to make it bigger than it is really. But now we sort of have to. Then I found out that you can choose your own private place and bury the baby yourself without doing it through a funeral service with coffee and cake, which made this prospect a lot nicer. This is not our first priority, so more about that when the time is ripe.
  

My god, hear what we are talking about, it's sometimes ridiculous and we do laugh between the tissue moments too! It's not all drama.

The baby died

This morning the midwife came by for a routine visit, and after measuring blood pressure etc. she tried to find baby's heartbeat but was unable to locate it. Could have been nothing, but as baby's movements in the last two weeks were very few and sporadic, we all thought that this could be the end of it.

She arranged a scan for this afternoon, and as DH was in Wton for work I went with DH's mom. It became immediately clear that there was no movement or heartbeat and that baby was gone. Baby passing away is quite the shock as this is the end of the road we took almost 7 months ago, but it came not totally unexpected at the same time, and it possibly saves us from a truckload of trouble and very difficult decisions, so there's also quite some relief.

DH is arranging flights to get back from Wton tonight, so that we can have a conversation tomorrow with our midwife on the next steps, which will be labour and delivery to get the baby out. That'll be quite a painful process I imagine, literally and emotionally. Luckily that'll happen here in Nelson at the hospital, no need to go to Wton anymore. After that we'll start with a clean slate, and hopefully take that holiday we were planning to take as I think we could use it.

Still a mixed bag

Sorry for the delay in reporting the results of our scan yesterday, but I had some technical blog problems...

So we went to Wton for yet another scan and came back with mixed results. On a positive note baby has grown, especially his tummy this time. He has now an estimated weight of about 340 grams; he put on 80 grams in the last two weeks. And he is still alive.

But all this growth doesn't change the situation that he is way too small and that he's having a hard time in there. His organs can start deteriorating any time now if they haven't already, as he is conserving energy for his brains which can cause damage to his kidneys and liver to start with.

There is nothing that can be done at this stage, so we'll wait and see for another two weeks. If he then is close to 500 grams they'd like to get him out, although that is still open for discussion as the lead obstetrician doesn't think he'll survive the next two weeks, and if he does then he'll very likely won't survive after delivery.

So we''ll be back in Wellington in a fortnight, with a bag this time in case we decide to take the baby out if he's close to 500 grams. And that will be done through c-section, because there is no way they'll let these fragile babies go through the stress of labour and delivery. But it could also be that we then wait and see for another week, or two.

Nothing to report

We know, we have been quiet over the past week... But that's because we have visitors, work, and gorgeous weather to keep us entertained. Although it's actually drizzling now. Very good for the garden, as October was the driest October month ever. As you can see, nothing to report...

Check-up

Our midwife swung by yesterday for a catch-up and a check-up. Blood pressure was good (no white coat syndrome this time) and no protein in urine. Also the sample that had been sent to the lab 2 weeks ago was clear of protein too.

Pfew.

Again I was totally convinced that baby had died in utero as I hadn't felt him move for a day and just only now and then the day before. But the midwife found the heartbeat straight away, still a feisty 150bpm. And last night and this morning he was really wild, having a jolly good time keeping me awake.

Doing the maths

Folks who follow our other blog may remember a little incident with DH's kidneys when we were applying for our resident's visa a while ago. We had to undergo some medical check-ups and one of the things they checked was our urine.
Well, DH's results at the time came back abnormal, he was suffering from 'kidney failure', we were told by the Dr. That was the strangest thing ever: DH wasn't aware at all that he had troubles with his kidneys, the whole family got stressed, and besides that these results brought our stay in NZ in jeopardy.
These things always happen in the festive season, so in the middle of the X-mas holidays while we had friends staying with us he had to collect his urine in a huge container, can't remember if it was for 48 hours or a whole week :-)

Anyway, we got his results on a sheet of paper and as we are good with numbers and formulas (DH) and quite good at finding evidence from research on all sorts of things (me), combining these lovely skills you'll get us questioning medical results. In the case of DH's 'kidney failure' we found out that some moron had made a mistake with the very complicated formula and that DH never could have had these results. Only from the age of 86 years would it be possible. So no kidney failure for DH!

Now I'm going to translate this to our pregnancy - no miracle stories, I'm sorry, but still....
Again we found a mistake in the latest scan measurements, which has consequences for the use of the formula to estimate baby's weight, and which means the difference between showing a total standstill in growth or some growth, which in turn may mean the difference between actively interfering in the pregnancy or applying a 'wait and see' policy.

Interesting is some research into the formulas they use to estimate baby's weight. There are numerous formulas in use, and they all result in a different outcome. The perfect formula hasn't been found yet. We checked a few of those formulas with the measurements from our scans, taking the error out, and the most pessimistic formula tells us that baby is currently weighing 240 grams, and the one we like most is the formula saying that baby is 320 grams. The one they used at the hospital and has the measurement error in it says baby currently weighs 200 grams.

Estimating baby's weight is interesting, but also prone to inaccuracy as those formulas are based on average babies at the end of a normal pregnancy, so what we also did was plotting all our scan results thus far on fetal growth percentile charts. That makes visible whether there has been growth at all, and how baby is doing compared to the general average. See below for a chart related to the diameter of baby's head.

What we achieve with this? Hmm, not much really, but we feel a lot better informed, the picture is a bit less gloomy than it was, and it emphasised our decision to 'wait and see'. You never know.
And our midwife will slam the hospital around the ears because of the measurement error :-)

What the error was? Inaccurate use of cm's instead of mm's. Which made the circumference of the head 17.3 mm instead of 173 mm and thus a lot smaller than the diameter of the head, which was 50mm. And that is impossible.

Support

Hi there everybody! We have been flooded by messages of support from all you guys and we'd like you to know that that is heart warming and much appreciated!

After 'Weird Thursday' and 'Reality Friday' we are sort of back to normal again. And we have decided to let nature take its course as much as possible and not to interfere with actively terminating this pregnancy. If it is so bad as they say it is then baby won't make it till the end anyway. And that's just the way it is, although it's a strange situation to be in, like a cruel scale with on one end 'baby' and on the other hand 'no baby', what will it be?

We'll keep you posted.

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Bad news: termination the most likely option

The scan today showed that baby hasn't grown, that he's weighing somewhere in the 200 grams and that he's getting low on fluid.
Sixty percent of the placenta is not functioning, and the placenta is looking 'funny' with dark areas - parts that may have died off.

In wton they can work with babies of 500 grams, but it is highly unlikely that we'll get there. So we have two options here: wait and see or termination. We opted for another scan in two weeks time, after which we know a bit more, but it looks like this baby is not going to make it.

And all other results OK too

The remaining amnio results (checking the rest of the chromosomes) came back okay.

Also remaining blood results were fine too, can't remember if I mentioned this in an earlier post.

So all good!


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Appointment in Wton this week

We are expected in Wton hospital on Thursday morning. The appointment will start with a detailed scan, and that's all we know for now. The rest will be based on the findings.

Just booked my flights - free health care isn't so bad as everything like travel cost and accommodation for DH and I will be paid for.

Need to buy some decent pyjamas (spelling?) in case I have to stay overnight. What does one wear in a hospital???

24 weeks and an eggplant

Baby should be as big as an eggplant (aubergine) right now, he isn't and we know that, but it's still fun to know.

What's happening in the pregnancy symptoms department at the moment?

Still quite a lot: big boobies and new bras without underwire - pure bliss!!

Weight gain: I'm now +5.5kg's. Still eating more than I used too, but nothing exceptional. No weird cravings, and no foods really that I don't like. Can't stand it that I can't eat sushi.

Sense of smell is much stronger and I already had a very good nose!! Absolutely hate the smell of coffee and cigarette smoke. And DH's hair gel makes me gag, as does any other perfumed thing really. And lots of other smells, grrrrr. Always keep peppermints handy, to fight off sudden nausea caused by horrible wafts.

Waking up at least once at night to go to the bathroom. And crying now and then: when contestants are eliminated from cooking shows, project runway, the x factor and next top model for example. Or because of a lottery commercial where a dog on a sailing trip with his owner dives after a winning lottery ticket that's been blown into the sea in a storm, he travels all over the world to get back home to NZ to find his owner happily home with a cat!
And blubbering without a reason happens too.

What else... I'm out if breath a bit quicker, and still have that bloated feeling after dinner, you know, that you think you're about to explode.

Bedtime is around 9.30pm, with often a nap somewhere during the day. And since a couple of days I notice some swelling in my fingers, could be that I'm retaining water, could be related to the warmer weather, or both. There's one ring I've taken off, but I don't like it a bit as I've worn this ring continuously for the last 15 years!


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Next stop: Wellington

We have just met with the obstetrician again, and the next step for us is to see a specialist in wton. It is very likely that baby will arrive before 32 weeks, which is the cut-off date for Nelson, and Nelson only deals with babies of 1.5kg and more.

So either next week or the week after we'll have our appointment there. At this stage it's just an appointment with maybe an overnight stay if they want to run some tests or do some monitoring.

We were hoping that this would be the next step, so all okay.

I had slightly elevated blood pressure and a tiny trace of protein in my urine today, so a urine sample has been sent to the lab for further inspection. No reason to worry just yet, as the blood pressure readings were done at the hospital, and might be caused by the 'white coat' syndrome. That's that your heartbeat and blood pressure skyrockets as soon as you see someone in a white coat. I'm certainly suffering from that syndrome; let me enter a hospital or anything medical and my heartbeat goes through the roof, even if it's not me who will be seen!

Another scan has been scheduled for early November too. And my kindle (e-reader) has arrived, which adorable DH has given me in case I'll end up on bedrest at the hospital. That's soooo cute, isn't it?


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Amnio results

Just got the scariest phone call of my life: the hospital with my preliminary amnio results. ALL GOOD thus far, wooohooooo!!!!

They're now going to test all the other chromosomes too, which will take up 16-21 days, as only the 5 most common abnormalities have been checked.

We've now deserved a sumptuous lunch....


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And another scan done

No, no results yet from the amniocentesis...
But we've just had yet another scan. Baby is still 4 weeks behind, which means that the gap hasn't got bigger since the last scan 2 weeks ago. For me that's good news, although it's still of concern.

All the scans thus far show that the blood flow through the umbilical cord isn't good, as blood is pumped from the placenta to the baby, but some of it flows back to the placenta. Or the other way round, cant remember!
This means that baby is not getting everything he needs. We've done a bit of research into this condition of the cord and severe growth restriction and found that we may stand a chance with the baby if we can stretch it past 31 weeks, with baby weighing 1 kg or more. At the moment he's about 260gr, which corresponds with wk19/20.

But that's just us doing some research, we'll see what the obstetrician has to say on Thursday.

Shit the phone rings.... Just a moment now.


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Amniocentesis

Had my amniocentesis today! Phew, another milestone achieved. DH and midwife were there for me, which was greatly appreciated :-)

It started with a scan to determine the best pocket of fluid. Was good to see baby moving around, he's still there! Then they sprayed a very cold substance on the marked spot to numb my skin, and disinfected the skin. And then came the big needle - not half a meter long as I thought, but a very normal one.

The doc jammed the needle in my belly, which was fine, and then gave it another push, which was a bit ouch! He connected the vial to the needle and drew 4cm of fluid. The whole needle process took no more than 20 seconds I think. We got to see the fluid, which looked just like clouded pee!

And that was it. The technician did some more measurements of the baby and looked at the heart. Was good that our midwife had the chance to see baby too, as she usually has to rely on written reports.

Now I'm lying on the couch at home, have to take it easy today to avoid complications. Can't go to the gym today, according to the doc. That's good news, as I haven't been in a gym in the last 5 years :-)

The first results will come in on Friday or Monday, and the final results in 2 or 3 weeks time.

About baby's kicking habits: he had a very quiet weekend, which drove me nuts as I was more or less convinced he'd died, but he was back on Monday with a vengeance and has been kicking much harder since!


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Entering the medical circus

Today we had our first official appointment with the obstetrician about baby's development, or rather lack of development, which she is very concerned about.

We don't know why baby is not growing well, so there are certain tests to undertake to find or rule out certain causes.

I've already had blood drawn today, to test for infections which are not harmful for me, but very dangerous for unborn babies, like toxoplasmosis and herpes.

Then next week I'll have an amniocentesis (vruchtwaterpunctie) to check for common and uncommon chromosomal abnormalities. Although the earlier bloodtest and the scans don't seem to point in this direction, the lack of growth appears to be a big fat red marker for abnormalities.

Then there is another scan scheduled and another appointment with the OB to discuss the results and the way forward, if there is any.
That's right before the 24 weeks mark - the end of October.

What's the message that came through? The OB seemed very concerned for baby's wellbeing, he may not make it through the next couple of weeks, and an early delivery in October / November in wellington is still very much on the horizon.

How are we holding up? We are quite okay actually, as we already knew about baby being behind and all. Learning the results of the amnio will be scary, and those will take up to three weeks to come back as they have to grow cell cultures and that takes time.
Fast forward to the last week of October please!!!

O and I shouldn't take up running a marathon right now, but I can keep doing what I'm doing, just no strenuous exercise.

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Baby still too small

Grrrrr wrote a whole story here, then DH rang me and now my story is gone....

Well, then in short what I previously wrote in full sentences: all the measurements the tech wasn't able to get last time were completed now, which were nose, lips, heart and a few other things.

Baby was again quite active, but, very disappointing, a bit further behind than last time. We'll talk the results through on Thursday with an obstetrician at the hospital.

On a positive note and I totally forgot to mention this milestone earlier: I feel little one kicking softly for two weeks now, almost every day. Quite low too, as he's still standing upright. Very good sign according to the midwife.

20 weeks: halfway!

We're over the halfway mark! Baby is the size of a large banana of 18cm and weighs about 320 grams - in an ideal world. Our baby boy resembles probably more a smaller version of this huge banana :-)

Where the first 10 weeks never seemed to come to an end I find that after that the time started to accelerate! People told me that that would happen, but experiencing it is something different.

Action plan

After a lengthy discussion with our midwife, who's in constant contact with an obstetrician, and after spending time to do some research ourselves about my condition (very low levels of Papp-a and b-hcg hormones) it is clear that careful monitoring of baby and mother is the one and only course of action to take.

Evidence from research suggests the following - remember, just providing the facts here and being informative, it's not said that all of this will happen to me or baby.

The hormones mentioned above are responsible for the working of the placenta and baby's growth. Low levels of these hormones give a 40-50% chance to 'adverse' pregnancy outcomes and is associated with: pre-eclampsia (zwangerschapsvergiftiging), hypertension (hoge bloeddruk in de eerste 20 weken), restricted growth of baby, stillborn, early delivery, induced delivery, caesarian (keizersnee).

Monitoring the mother means checking blood pressure and protein in urine (all good yesterday). Monitoring baby means having regular scans, where they look for growth (baby is behind), maturity of organs (couldn't get a good look of all organs on Friday), activity (baby was very active), heartbeat (heartbeat was strong, 140-160bpm), amount of amniotic fluid (was normal, which means that baby's kidneys are functioning), blood pressure in umbilical cord (no data) and size and indicators of functioning of placenta (looked like there might have been a bleeding at some stage).

Anyway to cut a long story short, we need to be prepared that the baby won't make it full term and will be early. How early depends on how he is doing inside and how I'm doing.

The next scan will be in the first week of October, to finish the anatomy scan and to monitor baby's growth. Two weeks later there'll be probably another scan, at 24 weeks, but that may depend on the outcomes of the previous scans.

The results of the scans will be discussed with an obstetrician, at the hospital here.

What do we think of all of this? Well it's not a fun place to be in and we're mentally preparing for a rocky road ahead, which started with a bit of a meltdown Friday night. But hubby and I are a good team, we're totally involved in the decisions that are being taken, we don't take everything for granted at first sight and like to do our own research as well. Support is welcome, but no drama or unsolicited advice please.

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A very little BOY!!!

We are having a baby boy!!! The tech was pretty sure about it and showed us the genitals, but for the novice eye these could have just as well been a stomach or a leg.

We also have to conclude that the results from my blood test earlier (where they found some placental hormone levels to be very low) were correct as baby boy is measuring 3 weeks behind, which is quite a lot this early in pregnancy. Baby is small, but is overall small, so everything is in proportion and those things that the tech was able to see were looking good.

Baby moved around a lot, kicking with his legs and swinging with his arms, and he's standing upright, with his feet on my cervix.

This afternoon DH and I will meet with the midwife to discuss an action plan, which will probably involve fortnightly scans from now on, amongst other things.




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18 weeks and counting

And 18 weeks under way, this week with a large mango of 240 grams.

How are we feeling??
- excited because the 19 week scan is coming up next week
- exhausted due to a 2-day golf tournament today and yesterday
- energised; I seem to have more energy, almost back on pre-pregnancy bed times
- like I still have got my weight under control. I've gained about 2-2.5 kg's thus far, which isn't bad at all. I'm eating fairly healthy, a bit more than usual, especially in the bread department, and our meals are good. Now and then the odd hamburger, but not even once every fortnight. What's saving me is a slight aversion of sweets, so if I'm getting hungry during the day I dive into a divine bowl of yoghurt and muesli for example, or a bagel, or soup, or some salty potato chips, yummy.
- astonished by a lot of American women on my discussion board, who gained over 10 kg's already, can't stop eating, don't get full and if they go into detail about what they're eating it's mainly junk. So they try to fill themselves up with all sorts of protein shakes and other garbage. The food culture there seems totally insane to me.


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First buy for nursery

And what's the first thing we bought for baby's room??? A new lamp!




It was DH's idea, he thought it would be perfect, isn't that lovely :-)


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Energy levels up?

Wow, don't know what's happening, but for the first time in 16 weeks I stayed up till after 10pm!

On Friday I had a fashion party at someone's house. I told DH to expect me back within the hour as it started at 7pm. Well, 3.5 hours later (and a cotton-silk top richer) I was home again. DH thought I had ended up in a creek or so.

Then on Saturday we had dinner with friends at their place. Okay, I cheated a bit as I actually had a little nap in the afternoon, but still...

And then yesterday I played a round of golf and somehow managed to get to bed after NCIS. We'll see if this is just a temporary glitch or not. A bit more energy would be very nice!


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Healthy grocery shopping this week

We've reached the four month milestone - 16 weeks! And baby is as big as a turnip (knolraap), a vegetable common here in NZ but not so much in holland, where it is one of those old and forgotten vegetables.

Avocado anyone?

Baby grows and grows, and this is the week of avocado shopping! Ten to 12 cm's is the current size.

Luckily for me my expandable trousers are all washed, dried and clean, and I'm soooo comfy now! No paperclips anymore to hold it all together :-)


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15 weeks!

Reached the 15 weeks milestone today! No other news, besides the fact that my maternity clothes keep coming in now. The first item, a pair of trousers didn't fit at all, very strange model, but I could exchange it for a (hopefully) nice top. The other items, 2 tshirts, long shorts and a shirt with long sleeves are all quite okay.

A pity that it's still a bit too cold for the shorts (they reach over the knee), as the under belly band was very comfy, although a bit roomy. Am holding my current trousers together with a paperclip at the moment - it's working but only just. Also because when going to the loo the paperclip has to come off and Ziva has discovered this nice new toy, which she can let disappear magically.

Then my mum has been shopping till she dropped for me, taking advantage of the European summer sale. Can't wait till I get the box with all those new and colourful clothes. They looked much nicer than what you can get here :-))


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Belly staring

Now that a lot of people know about my pregnancy you get those who don't look you in the eyes anymore, but can only just stare at my belly!! Maybe because there's not much to see yet? Or they are trying to find out if it's fat or a baby??

I find it hugely annoying actually and wouldn't be surprised if this will cause me to snap at someone. Let alone when people are going to start touching my belly; then I'll snap and slap!


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More clothes

... And I also won two more auctions - don't you love it: 'won' - one with about seven singlets (I'll be very pregnant in the middle of summer and spring arrives in a week or so with higher temperatures around the corner), and another auction with three pairs of trousers, a skirt, and two tops. O and another one with a pair of dressy shorts.

Then I'd like a few dresses and a cardi or two for when it's not that warm. And a tankini or bathing suit. And ....


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Need new pants

Of course I don't have time for shopping when in Wellington for work, what was I thinking??? Well, that I would find some time obviously. Seemed a good opportunity with way more choice than here at home, but it wasn't.

On a previous Wellington visit I'd already checked one maternity shop out, and was quite disappointed with what I saw, also with the price. So what I've been doing instead is shopping online on trademe, for new and preloved goods. It's addictive!!

I found women who do away with all their maternity wear for about $50, but also some nice new clothes. I'm currently busy with keeping track of my (slightly enormous) watchlist, bidding, and buying, and the first items - a very necessary pair of trousers, two t-shirts, and a shirt with long sleeves, will be couriered on Monday. I love parcels on my doorstep.


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A navel orange!

It's time for some grocery shopping again; navel oranges are in season now! Pick the big ones, measuring almost 12 cm :-)

Freaky enough DH (= dear husband, for all those people who keep asking who this new man is in my life. And yes I know, we're not married, but hey...) bought a couple of HUGE navels yesterday, before we even knew of the fruit of the week. At least we get a real feel for baby's size.


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NT results back: good, but...

Got the results back from the NT scan last Friday, where they measured the nuchal fold of the baby to find out what the chance is of a baby with chromosomal abnormalities - combined with the outcomes of a bloodtest.

We have a very low risk of a baby with chromosomal abnormalities, and the chance of a baby with Down Syndrome is 1:1800, which is also very low according to the midwife. If this chance would have been 1:250 or lower then there would have been reason for concern.

But... there is a catch.
Not in the area of chromosomal abnormalities, but in terms of certain hormone levels in my blood. They found some placental hormone levels to be very low. And this means that they want to monitor me very closely, well actually not me, but the baby and especially baby's growth. According to the midwife this means that I'll be getting lots of attention, starting with an appointment with an obstetrician (gynaecoloog) in a couple of weeks time, where she will accompany us. What that and all the attention involves? I don't know, but probably a lot of extra scans!

Reason for concern? Not yet I think, as baby measured exactly the correct size and was even a bit bigger as our due date was put forward with a couple of days.

Changed due date

According to the measurements at the scan yesterday, our due date has changed from 14 feb to 11 feb.

This means I've suddenly jumped from week 12 to week 13, and we can say goodbye to peach and hello to lemon. Lemon is 7.6cm and 42 grams.

Woohoooo, we have a lemon!!!!

A baby!!!!

I saw the baby this morning!!!! There really is one!!!! Jumping up and down, moving arms and legs. A feisty heartbeat of 160-170.

And already very stubborn, taking a rest when the technician wanted to measure the nuchal fold. He ordered me to cough, hold my breath and expand my belly, but nothing helped to get baby moving again. Anyway, the measurements seemed encouraging and combined with the bloodtests they'll give us an idea of the likelyhood of a child with chromosomal abnormalities. Those results are expected next week.

All in all wonderful. Just a pity that DH couldn't be there as he came down from Wellington with a nasty foodpoisoning or flu, and spent yesterday and last night on the toilet. Hopefully that'll be over soon.


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And we have a peach!

The fruit of week 12 (woohoooo!!) is peach. Happy grocery shopping everyone!

Midwife visit

I peed on a stick, all was fine. No blood or proteines or whatever. Bloodpressure was good, nearly same as last time: 130/76.

Results of bloodwork were all very good, especially everything related to iron. I wondered about that, as I always had very high levels when I was a rower. I am actually O positive, not A positive as I always thought :-)

Because midwife goes on holiday this friday she asked if I would want her to find the heartbeat, although she usually only does this from wk 14 and I'm in wk 12. So no panic if there's nothing, but it would be a nice treat.
Well, mandarin decided to hide as we couldn't hear a thing :-(

Then I got a new form for our scan on Friday, as I accidentally used my previous form with the bloodwork. And we now have a form too for the 19wk scan!

Midwife said I looked really good and thinks all is going very well.


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Tomorrow 2nd appointment

Tomorrow I'll have my 2nd appointment with my midwife, just before she goes on holiday for a couple of weeks to the UK. It's interesting, but almost all 26 midwifes in the region are from the UK!

I expect the visit to be fairly routine, but maybe I've got to pee on a stick? Or perhaps she'll try to find a heartbeat this time?

By the way, did you know that the midwifes visit you at home? You can choose to come to the clinic if that's more convenient, bu I find the house visits quite nice!


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And we have a...

Large plum. This really is disappointing, as we've already had a plum two weeks ago. Therefore we've decided that we have a... Mandarin!!

Mandarin measures 6.3cm and weighs 14 grams. So it's a fairly light mandarin I think, but that's okay. Only size matters at this stage :-)

Although I'm still wondering if there's anything growing inside me at all - just a survival mechanism I think until we've had our first ultrasound - my trousers are making perfectly clear that someone has grown a bit. Don't like buttoning up anymore, and the trick with a hair elastic works as long as I'm standing. With mostly working from home I can walk around with my fly down and unbuttoned, until the first embarrasment occurs, like forgetting the bloody thing when going to the supermarket or so.

Hope to stretch this one more week until the scan confirms that there is a baby (or two) and then I'll go shopping for some new pants!!!

If there's no baby DH said I deserve a slap around the ears for going to bed at 8pm all the time. Hahahaha.


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Gaining weight

Women are not programmed to step on the scale and watch with satisfaction that another couple of hundred grams have been added to their weight overnight.

Till a few days ago I had only gained half a kilo in these ten weeks, but very suddenly this became 1.2kg's. Visions of beached whales, triplets and doubling DH's weight appeared.

Luckily I have another pregnancy app on my iPhone which gives me some insight as to what a healthy weight gain is for women of my length and weight. If I can keep my current weight more or less the same till next Monday, I'll be sweet. We'll see what the body and mind decide :-)


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Sleepy

Thought I'll write a nice post but I'm way too sleepy. If I don't take a nap either straight after lunch or around five-ish then I barely make it to 8pm. As is exactly the case now :-(

A nap makes a HUGE difference, as does eating at regular intervals. I find I'm pretty ok till mid afternoon and then start to run on empty. Get tired, queasy (spelling?), then eat too much with dinner with nausea as a result. Really, I need to do that part of the day better. DH says I should set an alarm every 2 hrs to take something to eat, just like we did on our cycling holidays to prevent him from running on empty. Sounds a bit ridiculous but maybe it's a good idea. And loads of dry biscuits, those plain ones. Quite yummy and very useful.


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And we have a lime!

Today Plum made the transition to the next fruit of the week, a Lime of 5 cm and 8.5 grams.

25% underway

Today we've reached the 10-week mark! Quite the achievement, from nothing to ... something between plum and lime. The belly seems to expand a little too; I still think it's my own baby fat, but DH is sure it's different.

I had the feeling last week that some of the symptoms were subsiding a bit, and following the discussions on my February '11 discussion board I heard a lot of women who are nearing their 2nd trimester talking about the same thing.

Still spotting on and off, it's going on for more than a week now. There was nothing wrong with my urine sample, so no bladder infection. It has been quite distracting as you're more or less waiting for a miscarriage to happen, but plum is still present, doing its thing, and actually I feel fine and have no cramps or anything like it. It doesn't really help that heaps of women of my February '11 board are leaving the board for exactly this reason. But on Friday evening before I picked up DH from the airport I decided that I was totally over all this stupid stuff and would just take it as it is.

That helped! I played a nice round of golf in the Club Champs although I lost from my opponent and exited the Club Champs as quickly as I enterend :-)
And yesterday we had a lovely lunch in the garden of a cafe, in the sun, with some friends. Afterwards we went for a walk on the beach. Yeah, winter is Tasman is quite allright!

Hysterical

I have this iPhone pregnancy application, where you can access online forums. After entering your due date when using the app for the first time you get access to heaps of general pregnancy forums, like '35+ mums', 'dad's corner', 'multiples and twins', etc. I've also been placed in a 'February 2011' forum, which is actually quite an interesting one, as there are heaps of women on this forum all due in Feb '11. Which means sharing the same symptoms, oddities, pleasures and concerns.

This pregnancy app originates from What to Expect When You're Expecting, a US bestseller, so there are mainly Americans on these boards. This way I get quite a clear picture of how pregnancy care is arranged in the US, and how women in the US think and act around pregnancy. It's certainly different.

For example: they get pregnant women a first (vaginal) ultrasound when they are 5 weeks underway. What happens then is that there is nothing to see on this ultrasound as it is acutally quite early on. Often there is just a gestational sac and no yolk, or the other way round (still not an expert...), resulting in a lot of hysterical women on the forum who think they are miscarrying. Because there is nothing to see, a second ultrasound is arranged, just a few weeks later. Some of them can then actually hear a heartbeat, but a lot of them can't or it's erratic, as it's still early on. More hysterical women on the forum...

Then we've had a couple of weeks in which people wondered 'to tell or not to tell' and 'who to tell'. A lot of stories about horrible Mothers in Law, jealous friends and sisters, and work colleagues who couldn't keep their mouths shut. It's quite the rollercoaster ride :-0

And continuously going on are stories about hormones and moodswings. Some are crying because they've sent their husband out in the middle of the night for a very specific sandwich, and when he finally got home with the right thing they realised after looking in the fridge that there is no hot ketchup! Hysterical, so I thought... until:

1. Ziva came home the other night with a dead bird - booohoooooooooooo
2. My manager said she had no problems with me cancelling my trip to Wellington - boooohooooooooo
3. A police dog in Christchurch got shot and on the tv they showed him lying on the street - boooohoooooooo
4. A young boy brought flowers and a card to the police station for the dead dog (story in the newspaper) - booooooohooooooooooooooo

A bit of spotting

The last couple of days have seen me spotting a bit. In other words: bleeding! A bit scary, but nothing you can do about it. Without giving Too Much Information (TMI in pregnancy circles) it was pink and not red, which seems sort of okay. Only occurred once per day, but it's something you rather don't want to see.

Anyway, if plum decides to exit now, then it'll exit now, and we may be better off actually as something might be wrong. On the other hand, there is no cramping and I feel good, so plum might as well decide to stay inside. Bleeding can have heaps of causes in early pregnancy, from cystes to a torn mini blood vessel to whatever. Very common according to our midwife. I just rather wished it wouldn't have been in this week, as I have to go to Wellington tomorrow till Friday for a conference where I'll deliver a coaching workshop.

Some distraction may be good for me, although I'm not looking forward to my accommodation at the college, as I've been put in the baracks. Sounds awful, but it means your room is as big as your tiny single bed, and you have to share the bathroom with everyone else on the floor. This is where all the new recruits are housed for 5 months - and everyone else with business at the college. If you're high in rank or more important you can get a chalet - which I've had previously and which is quite nice, but due to the conference the college is packed!

I could take a hotel room, as there is a hotel close by (the college is located in a stupid part of Wellington, 30mins drive from town and there is just nothing close by, no shops, no public transport, no accommodation), but it's tacky and expensive, a lethal combination. There are some friends I could stay with, but they don't know I'm pregnant, I don't want to tell them yet and how much fun is there when I'm heading to bed at 8pm and wake them up at night because I've to pee ten times during the night? Nah, not a good idea. Sooooooo I'm thinking of changing my flight and flying up Thursday night actually. That feels a lot better :-)

Hungry!

I seem to have a nice appetite. But it's funny how some things suddenly don't go that well down. Like almond fingers for example (gevulde koeken). They look delicious, can't resist them, brain decides I should eat one. Half an hour after eating my almond finger I really wished I hadn't touched the bloody thing at all.

Same with almost all sweet foods, although that seems to change a bit now. I had some mega marshmallows yesterday and that was fine, as well as wine gums. No I haven't gained much weight yet, half a kg or so, I can see you thinking that there's a whale underway, but not yet.

So I got into the salty mode. Cheese crackers, yumm! Rice crackers, yumm! One thing with these crackers is that they are very crispy and crunchy. And make a lot of noise when eating them in bed in the middle of the night. Which makes DH wondering WTF is going on in our bedroom and then he starts whining about crumbs in his bed.

Last week I got really hungry around 2am in the morning. I had to get out of bed and make myself some nice sandwiches to take back to the bedroom with me. Luckily for DH he was in Oz...

I think these hunger pangs at night have to do with this crazy early bedtime. I crash into bed between 7.30 and 9pm, no wonder that after 6hrs of sleep my stomach starts rumbling! Perfectly understandable, isn't it?

DH

We all know men play their part in conceiving. So did DH, which stands for Dear Husband in pregnancy circles, although my man is not my husband but my partner of 14 years or so, but to make things easier we'll just call him DH. BF - boyfriend, sounds too teenish, and that's a stadium we've since then long passed. We're nearing the roaring fourties, and jeez will they be roaring if all goes well and baby arrives :-0

Anyway, it's funny how a lot of the available information seems to be true. That men immediately think about insurances, finances, and other earthy things as soon as they know they'll become a father. One of the first things we did was changing our life insurance policy!? I couldn't be bothered at all, but suddenly there was this man, freshly shaved and smelling (ooo my sense of smell could hardly keep up with the freshness of this man), who had to visit us at home after dinner (bloated!) and show us all the financial trends and issues of the last hundred years, with a laptop that decided to play tricks.

DH told me beforehand that this visit would take up max. 30 mins, but of course it didn't. Luckily (?) we had a double booking for the night, we would have a coffee (eeks - smell and taste) at the neighbour's, who is Dutch. Which means you have to be there ON TIME. I signed blindly for this new insurance and went to the neighbour's 10 mins late, while DH and insurance consultant were entangled in their trends and graphs.

Neighbour had made a huge apple pie (o god) especially for us, which went down surprisingly well (phew). After an hour or so DH arrived too, all in all a very pleasant evening :-)

Ankles and bloated

Well, nine weeks have passed so far and baby has reached the size of a prune today. I always wondered about pregnancy and how it would feel. How do you know you're pregnant? You can read everywhere about symptoms, but unless you're going through it yourself all the information in the world doesn't mean a thing.

I had read a thing or two about pregnancy and symptoms, as we were quite focused on conceiving in the last couple of months (the 'now or never'-syndrome? Interesting to spend some more words on that at some stage as we both are not sure whether we actually like kids!). I found out that a lot of women seem to feel very bloated in the early stages. Had to look up what that meant - it means exploding after dinner - and I could totally relate to that even before my period was due. I also could still see my ankles very well, as usually these disappear prior to my period. Two big red flags for me!! O and pimples, although these are a pregnancy symptom as well as a period symptom. And lower back pain, which also could mean either pregnant or period upcoming.

But to me these ankles and the bloated feeling were enough to tell me I could very well be pregnant. The test I did proved me right; EEKS!!!!! TOTAL PANIC!

Don't have to explain what this is